This is #3 in a series of 40 things you can do to stay married for 40 years.
Never forget: You are the team. You two. That’s it. No one else gets to be on your team.
At first glance, this may seem like a harsh statement, but the truth is - whenever you let your mother, brother, father, sister, best friend, daughter, son, or other person onto the team to discuss intimate details of your marriage, you are asking for trouble.
If you have another man or woman on the side because “It’s just sex and it doesn’t mean anything” you are an idiot. There are no backup quarterbacks in a marriage.
This doesn’t mean you can’t go to your favored parent for advice, or talk with your best friend to do a sanity check on whether or not [insert questionable behavior here] is normal. But you need to have a clear boundary around your marital relationship, and you need to go to your spouse first with any issues.
Some people let their children on the team, and then wonder why they find themselves in divorce court when the children leave. I would walk through fire for my children, and for that matter my grandchildren. It doesn’t mean you love them any less if you take time to maintain a relationship with your spouse during their growing up years. In fact, doing everything you can to maintain your healthy relationship will benefit them in the long run.
Think about what it would be like to add a third person to your side of the court in a doubles tennis match. It might seem like having a third person to help would be beneficial, but they would just get in the way of you and your partner. You’ve got your set play area, and bringing a third person into that small space will end badly. Someone’s getting a racquet in the face.
You’re the bosses. You’re the team. You get to run the show. It’s okay (actually more than okay) for only you two to be the team.
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