This is #1 in a series of 40 things you can do to stay married for 40 years.
If you are the type of person who always has to be right, maybe marriage isn’t for you. It’s not that you won’t be able to get married or stay married. You will just be miserable while you are doing it. If you are dating someone who always has to be right, reconsider if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Maybe they can change. They probably won’t.
If you are the type of person who always has to be right, and you are already married and want to stay married, take a step back. Put an imaginary value on the situation in question.
For example, we have a coffee pot. Yes, an actual pot that brews an actual full pot of coffee. Twelve whole cups! It has an automatic timer on it so you can lay in bed while a full pot of glorious hot coffee brews itself and waits patiently for you to come and drink it up. It is my job to set the timer. There is a series of six button pushes that have to happen to set the automatic timer and my husband has yet to take my easy 10 minute course on how to do this. I’m okay with that.
Sometimes he or we get up, and the coffee has not brewed.
Him: Did you set the timer?
Me: Yes.
Him: Why didn’t the coffee brew?
Me: I don’t know.
Him: Are you sure you set the timer?
Me: Yes I set the timer!
Top 3 reasons the coffee didn’t brew:
I didn’t set the timer.
There was a power surge and it scrambled the brains on the coffee pot, including the one to the automatic timer. Actually happens quite frequently.
Someone broke into the house and pushed the Auto button on the coffee pot. (Six pushes to set, one to unset it. Insane - I know.)
On a scale of 1-10, this is a 1. The coffee didn’t brew. Push the On button and we will have coffee in about five minutes. The world has not ended.
If Him believes in his heart of hearts that I did not set the timer and insists on being right, he can ask me 50 more times if I’m sure I set the timer, and each time he asks, Me becomes more sure because now he is pissing Me off.
Him could say, “Hmm. We probably had a power surge,” and optionally add on “sorry.”
Me could say, “Oops - maybe I did forget,” and can optionally say “sorry.”
Either one of us could insist on being right and escalate this into something really stupid. Let it go. Just let it go.
If the situation is something higher on the scale, say anything higher than a five, focus on resolving the issue rather than on who is right. Also be willing to walk away for a time and let things settle down.
Example: your spouse accuses your sister/brother/mother/father/creepy uncle of being passive aggressive toward them. This is not something you can just let go. On the other hand, if you do not think your sister/brother/mother/father/creepy uncle is being passive aggressive toward your spouse and your main priority is to insist you are right and they are wrong, it will end badly. Let your spouse present their “evidence.” Discuss if you feel it is a safe time. If emotions are running too high, suggest putting the discussion on hold for a day or two.
You are not in competition with your spouse. You married this person because you love them and want to make a life with them. If you need to compete, take up tennis.
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